Search
  • Naked Proverbs

BLACK FATHERS MATTER.


In episode 045 of the Naked Proverbs podcast, Rich and Nik Scott honor Black fathers.



Nik:

Welcome back to the Naked Proverbs podcast where we unclothe the truth about Black love family and marriage. My name is Nik Scott, one of your hosts, and I'm here with my husband.

Rich:

What's going on? It's your boy Rich. And today we're going to talk about fathers.

Nik:

Yes, Happy Father's Day.

Nik:

Right at the start of every episode, we always remind our listeners that we are not trained, licensed or professional therapists or counselors. We've been married for nearly two decades and we use Naked Proverbs as our platform to share our advice, our opinions, our stories and our experience with you.

Nik:

If you haven't already, make sure that you're following the Naked Proverbs on whatever podcasting platform you listen to your podcasts on. And if you like what you hear, please give us a five-star review on iTunes. It really helps us out a lot, y'all.

Rich:

Today is a very special day.

Nik:

Yes, it is.

Rich:

It is a day that's been set aside to honor our fathers and men like me.

Nik:

Yes, Happy Father's Day, baby.

Rich:

Thank you. So, Happy Father's Day to our listeners. And thank you to all of you that have chosen to take some time and tune in to Naked Proverbs.

Rich:

What is Juneteenth?

Nik:

Well, I know what Juneteenth is. And I've known about Juneteenth for the better part of my life. But a lot of people feel like Juneteenth just came out of nowhere within the last year or two.

Rich:

Right. The truth is, Juneteenth has been around since 1865.

Nik:

155 years.

Rich:

And I cannot say that I've always known about Juneteenth. I was blessed to grow up in an environment where we spoke about Black history and the things that have happened throughout history in America with our people. But I did not learn about Juneteenth until I went to an HBCU.

Nik:

So, it was a little different for me. I am from Denver, Colorado. And we have always had a pretty huge Juneteenth celebration. Which is strange that we would have such a big Juneteenth celebration in Denver. But because we had this celebration in Denver, I was exposed to Juneteenth at a very young and early age.

Rich:

In some ways Colorado, Denver specifically can be very progressive when it comes to things that matter to the Black community. And I love that.

Nik:

Juneteenth has always been a very big deal for us. And it's kind of sad this year, that our Juneteenth celebration isn't happening in the city the way that it normally would because this year it will be so freakin crunk.

Rich:

Oh, it would be. I mean with everything that's been going on. I mean, ah could just see all the people and their beautiful different colors of outfits and just, I mean, it would be amazing.

Nik:

And the money that would be being made and that Black dollars circulating in the community

Rich:

Right.

Nik:

Would be amazing. Now just a little bit of history of Juneteenth, right because some people really don't know what the history of Juneteenth is. We said that it was 1865, it was specifically June 19, 1865 in Galveston, Texas, Texas, were the last slaves in the country finally got word two and a half years later, that they were free.

Rich:

First of all, we as African Americans, Black Americans, we have been celebrating the Fourth of July like that was our independence day since probably during slavery. But the reality is, we were not truly free, fully until 1865. And even though 1863 was the Emancipation Proclamation, and everybody feels like ooh, that's you know, when freedom reigned for us. The truth is we fully as a people were not freed from slavery until two years later. And part of that is, you know, we are talking 1800s. So, it takes a while for news to travel, but it don't take no two years, y'all. Texas was just a holdout, like so many other states are now when it comes to change and progress. And so, it took two years for those last slaves on a plantation to find out that you know what, you've been freed, you no longer have to work for free and be enslaved.

Nik:

And here's the thing, we've had the opportunity to travel to other countries in the Middle Passage, Jamaica being one of them. We've also traveled to Bermuda, while Bermuda will argue that they weren't part of the Middle Passage.

Rich:

That's a lie. You were.

Nik:

These other countries and Caribbean islands where slaves from African countries during the Middle Passage ended up settling, they have huge Independence Day celebrations. Even in Canada, they have a huge Independence Day celebration. We don't have it, but what do they call—Carnival is what they normally call it in these Caribbean countries. We don't have that as a collective in this country.

Rich:

And part of that is by design.

Nik:

Yes, it is.

Rich:

The fact that Juneteenth is not even in history books, and it's only found outside of typical American history. That in of itself, says a lot. But we as a people need to really understand that it's okay to embrace you know, America, I mean, we have built it. But we should also embrace our own history. There is no reason that people on Friday shouldn't have been barbecuing and popping fireworks and celebrating.

Rich:

I posted on my Facebook you know, just a happy Juneteenth like, today's my fourth of July, right? And at first, I thought about it like should I do this? Because we've been conditioned to believe that we should not celebrate who we are. But the reality is, is I can guarantee that those slaves in Galveston, and on June 19, 1865 were celebrating, y'all. They were dancing till they clothes fell off. They was getting it in and that's how we should be. Maybe don't dance, the clothes fall off, but you should be celebrating.

Nik:

Happy Juneteenth, y'all.

Rich:

It ain't Juneteenth.

Nik:

It's Juneteenth weekend, and hopefully because

Rich:

It's Father's Day. Can we get a day where ain't nobody else trying to steal our, our thunder, steal our sunshine. Y'all had Friday. It's Sunday. Today's my day.

Nik:

It's your day baby. Happy Father's Day

Rich:

Goodness.

Nik:

For the third time in this episode.

Rich:

No, no, you know what? And some people may be like, oh my God, is he for real? Yes and no. And I would say yes, I'm serious because Black fathers are overlooked so often. And there's this joke going around, and it's been going around for generations. I'm sure, that on Mother's Day, we go to restaurants and we spend buku money to celebrate our wives and our mothers, because they should be celebrated. But on Father's Day is like, hey, what are you putting on the grill, baby? What? You know, I mean, it's literally like, a day that kind of we celebrate, but not quite like we do mothers. And for Black men. I would say for us as fathers, it's even less celebrated. Because everybody acts like we don't exist. Even though we are out here fighting an uphill battle from the moment we're born.

You're listening to Naked Proverbs podcast with Rich and Nik Scott. If you like what you're hearing, show your support by becoming a patron. All of our patrons receive exclusive benefits like behind the scenes content, access to bonus audio, and Naked Proverbs merchandise. To learn more and to become a patron, visit the Naked Proverbs Patreon page at www.patreon.com/nakedproverbs

Nik:

I just want to be very clear in our house Father's Day has always been very special.

Rich:

Yes.

Nik:

Our girls take offense every year when you decide that you gonna go

Rich:

Hiking,

Nik:

Or camping or fishing or

Rich:

It's my day.

Nik:

Hang out with the Kappa program. I don't know which one the Guide Right or whatever.

Rich:

But I'm always home.

Nik:

On Father's Day.

Rich:

Right.

Nik:

Even in this year, the girls are like well is Daddy going to be home for breakfast? Because they want to do this. So, in our house, it's always been a very special day. It has always been, I would say, celebrated just as equally as they celebrate me on Mother's Day.

Rich:

And I would agree. But it's because I've instilled in them the importance of their father.

Nik:

And that's right. And I think that is a great segue into some of the things that we have to say today in this podcast. And one of the things that I need to say, like I have to say this is that fathers, Black fathers, I'm gonna be very specific here. Black fathers are the heartbeat of the family.

Nik:

And when I was thinking about what I wanted to say, and how I wanted to pay tribute to Black fathers and my, my Black father and my husband, who was the Black father of my children, I'm thinking like, what is similar to the role that they play in my life and in my family? And it's the heartbeat. And the way that I came up with that is because when you're pregnant, and especially when you're first pregnant, the only way outside of a blood test or a urine test, that you know that you're pregnant and you check for life is through a heartbeat. And if you don't hear a heartbeat, you know that your pregnancy is in danger. And that's the way that I feel about Black fathers when there is no heartbeat or if that heartbeat is missing then the Black family is in danger. The Black community is in danger.

Rich:

Man, I was deep.

Nik:

I say some good stuff sometimes.

Rich:

Yeah, you do. You do. And I don't even know how to continue after that.

Rich:

For me I started off kind of strong like we matter and listen, and hey, this ain't about no Juneteenth today. This isn't about anything else. Because like for me this weekend, I've got, we had Juneteenth on Friday. My mom's birthday was yesterday. Today is Father's Day, and this is every year like it's you know, always a really active weekend of a lot of celebrating a lot of things happening. But I love being able to celebrate my mom on her birthday, and then celebrate my father the very next day. Because my father, you know, I'm blessed to be part of that percentage of you young men, young boys that actually had his father in his house that raised him. And much like my children, I didn't realize the blessing I had. I didn't realize how unique that was. And so, you know, there are so many things that I do today.

Rich:

Even the fact that I like to go hiking and hunting and fishing and camping, those are things my father instilled in me. And I talked about this before about legacy. But these are things that have been passed down from generations past. But to me, there's also these other things my father taught me. How to respect a woman, how to love a woman, how to Be a man of my word, how to, if you know, if you say you're going to do it, then you do it. How important a handshake is.

Rich:

There's so many little things that I probably forgotten, but I still do, that my father taught me how to do. And to me, that is what we're celebrating. We're celebrating those men that go out there in the world, and deal with all the things that are tearing them down, making them feel less than, but they come home and they still father. They come home and they're still there. They're still present. They're still available. They're still teaching, they're still loving. And to me, that's what Father's Day is all about, is understanding that it's not easy being a man, a Black man in America, it's not. I mean, we have a target on our back from the moment we're born. Yet, we still find a way to be great fathers

Nik:

Before you're born. Let's be clear,

Rich:

Yes.

Nik:

It's before you're born. Black fathers are the unsung heroes in our community, in our society, and in this country. And you bring up a very good point about all of the things that your father taught you. So many things that you don't even realize that he taught you. And that's the same with me, and I'm a woman. So, people like to say, you know, same sex children are being more influenced by the same sex parent. And that's not true. That's not true. It takes both parents to train a child to be the best positioned and armed in this country that they can be. It takes both. And Black fathers, like I said, are the unsung heroes and all of that...

Nik:

Let me just pause for a second. Because before we started this episode, we were looking at some statistics and I hope that you bring this up, and if you were planning to please let me know

Rich:

I was.

Nik:

Can you please tell the people?

Rich:

Well, you know, earlier when I started, I said a few things. I said, we show up. Then I said, we're here. We matter and I think we've kind of discussed a little bit why we matter. But oftentimes, the media, scientists with their statistics will try to portray, that we don't show up, and that we aren't even here. So, as I was doing some research, because y'all know, I'm gonna do some research, and I'm gonna throw some stats out there and some facts, but I was reading something and it basically said that, according to the Center for Disease Control and prevention data, that 71.5% of Black non-Hispanic children, this is 2013. So, this is, you know, some old data, but it's still relevant. Were born to unmarried women. And that was compared to 29.3% of white non-Hispanic children.

Rich:

So, if we just stopped right there, what we would say is, well, dang 71 almost 72% of Black children. Don't have fathers.

Nik:

That's not what it said.

Rich:

Well, that's what it says. That, that's what it portrayed.

Nik:

That's what it's implying.

Rich:

That's what he tried to imply

Nik:

Yes.

Rich:

Well, there was someone that wrote a book "All In." His name is Josh Levs. And he was like, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. I know stats can paint the picture you want them to paint. So, let's dig deeper.

Rich:

Black people, we have to dig deeper. I don't care what we're talking about. We have to dig deeper. Because they will always lie to us on the surface. Go into it with that attitude. They are lying to me. And then go deeper. So, he went deeper. And what he found was that 2.5 million of the 4.2 million Black fathers out there or about 59%, 59.5. So, let's go up to 60% right, we're gonna round up. 60% live with their children. So, one stat said, 72% of Black children are growing up in a single parent family.

Nik:

Hmm.

Rich:

But then when he dug deeper, he realized that that may be true. But 60% of those fathers are showing up, and they are present, and they are there. And this is what he went on to find ou.t That 72% was basically saying that Black people aren't getting married necessarily, but that doesn't mean that Black fathers aren't involved in their children's lives.

Nik:

And can we be clear in 2020, 19, 18 and decades before now Black men have been single fathers.

Rich:

Yes, yes, they have. They've been single fathers. I know an amazing single father; whose daughter runs track. And he's a single father because her mom passed away. And he has raised his child. She is a brilliant young lady in school. She is doing amazing things and to me I think about the breaks that I get from my children. I think about the times that I don't have to figure it out myself. And then I realize, man, he's doing all that by himself. And he's doing a great job at it. But we always want to assume that fathers aren't there. And so, like I said, these stats show that that's not true. And it actually went deeper than that. And it showed that Black fathers are actually more involved with their children than anyone else.

Nik:

Of any race.

Rich:

Any race,

Nik:

Any race.

Rich:

And I'm talking daily tasks like, because the CDC This is not Rich stats, these, this is the CDC. You know,

Nik:

You didn't come up with this on your own?

Rich:

Naw. At one point I know it was, you know, well, well respected. I don't know maybe President Trump has made y'all not believe the CDC, but I still believe the CDC. And it showed that when you're talking about fathers that are between the ages of 15 to 44 that are living with their children under five; on a daily basis, Black fathers outperformed everybody in everything.

Nik:

Everybody in everything. Tasks as simple as reading a book to their child at night.

Rich:

Feeding and having meals with them. Playing with them.

Nik:

I'm going to post this graphic on our Patreon page for our patrons, because it is so powerful. It's powerful. And it goes back to what I say all the time. The concerted, intentional and strategic effort to remove the Black father from the family. Whether it is beating him to death through police brutality. Whether it's racist, white people gunning him down in the street like an animal. Whether it is feminizing him and making him believe that it's okay to dress up in drag to get a couple laughs on TV or on a commercial. Whether it's imprisoning him falsely, or giving him a, a harsher charge and sentence if he did do something wrong. The intentional, strategic and very mindful attempt to castrate the Black man.

Rich:

One of our youngest daughter's track coaches always talks about buck breaking. If you don't know what buck breaking is, look it up. And the reality is, buck breaking is what was done to horses, right? You break a buck and so that you can ride them. But it was also done to Black men. Where you try to break them down to the point that they no longer see themselves as men. And when I say that Black men are constantly trying to overcome the system, it is in every aspect of our lives.

Rich:

Something as simple as a man being able to provide for his family has been taken away from Black men, since forever. The ability to protect your family, the, I mean, there are so many different things that the system has created. And you know, Nik gave some great, I think, big, easy to see examples. But to me, I think of when I turn on a television show, and there's a family, and it's of a mixed race, but there's no Black man in the entire show. And he can never be the man that's married to a Black woman with successful Black children. Black-ish allows us to see that and I love that. But the reality is, that's very seldom shown.

Rich:

If it's not a Black man with someone of the opposite race than the Black man doesn't even exist in whatever it is, you're watching. And that's not just on TV. That's all advertising. That's all marketing. That is everywhere you look. It is hard to find the image that I know exists because I exist. A Black man, married to a Black woman. The only children we've ever had are the children we have together, and we are making it happen. But society would make you to believe that I don't even exist and that this is a fairy tale.

Nik:

We have to rewrite the narrative. We have to rewrite the narrative. We have to stop waiting for the media and the entertainment industry and everybody else to start to tell our stories. It's just like what you said about Juneteenth. We have to do it for our families. We have to do this for our families. We have to do it for our legacies. If we don't do it, who else is going to do it for us? Who else is going to tell the world that our fathers are the heartbeat of our community, if we're not doing that? If I can't stand here and salute Black fathers, the way that we want Black fathers to salute us, what type of detriment am I doing? How much harm am I doing, to our community? To our legacy? To our story, as Black people in this country? Just think about that.

Rich:

So again, we want to say Happy Father's Day to all of our hard working fathers that are showing up, overcoming obstacles and being there. We appreciate you, and I see you.

Nik:

Thanks, so much for watching. Watching? I mean, you can be watching if you on YouTube.

Rich:

You can YouTube us.

Nik:

Thanks, so much for tuning in to the Naked Proverbs podcast

Rich:

Where we talk about Black love and marriage...

Nik:

I know. There's just a lot going on in my head right now.

Rich:

Well, you want to get it out? You have more to say?

Nik:

No. I'm good.

Rich:

Okay.

Nik:

Thanks, so much for tuning in to this week's episode of the Naked Proverbs podcast. We truly want you to have a happy marriage. We want you to continue to thrive in your marriages and indulge in your spouses on a regular basis. Don't forget to follow the Naked Proverbs on whatever podcasting platform you listen on. Happy Father's Day, and we will talk to y'all in the next one.

Rich:

Peace.

GET OUR FREE EBOOK:

30 DATE IDEAS FOR BLACK COUPLES

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • YouTube
HOME     |     PODCAST     |    SHOP     |      EBOOK     |     SUPPORT     |     REVIEW     |     TRANSCRIPTS     |     ABOUT     |     CONTACT

Denver, CO

© 2019-2020  by Scott Media, LLC.