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Girl, you better MAKE YOUR MAN'S PLATE!!! (.)


In Episode 014 of the Naked Proverbs podcast, Rich and Nik Scott talk about the great debate in the Black community: should you make your man's plate?



Nik:

Welcome to the Naked Proverbs podcast where we unclothe the truth about Black love family and marriage. My name is Nik Scott, one of your hosts. And as always, I am here with my husband,

Rich:

What's going on? It's your boy Rich. And today, we're going to talk about making my plate.

Nik:

Your plate?

Rich:

My plate.

Nik:

Okay? At the beginning of every episode, we have to remind our listeners that we are not trained, licensed or professional counselors or therapists. We've been married for a long time, and we've gone through quite a bit of stuff. And we use Naked Proverbs as our platform to share our stories, our advice and our experience. If you haven't already, make sure that you're following the Naked Proverbs on whatever podcasting platform you listen on. And if you like what you hear stop by iTunes and give the Naked Proverbs a five-star rating.

Rich:

Thank you all for tuning in. Thank you for sharing episodes. Thank you for giving us five-star ratings. Thank you. We truly appreciate your support. Do you ever feel like there's just not enough room? Not enough hot water. Not enough. Men I'm talking to you. I'm talking about when you choose to jump in the shower with your spouse and share an intimate moment of showering together. Yet you find yourself standing in the cold with no hot water.

Nik:

First of all, I just want to point out that you said when you choose to get in the shower with your wife. That's the first problem is that if you're feeling like you aren't getting enough warm water, maybe it's because you jumped in my shower, I got in the shower first. So, what makes you think that you can jump in my shower and take it over?

Rich:

I'm not trying to take it over. I'm just trying to get in there. Get my booty clean while sharing some time with you. You know, I mean, we only have so much time in a day, and everybody's pulling on our time asking for it. So, I'm just trying to find creative ways to have a little more time with you. And unfortunately, I am coming to the realization that shower time is not the right time. Because you don't like to share the shower. Your water is way too hot, like scalding hot, like fourth degree burns fifth degree black belt burns.

Nik:

It ain't that hot.

Rich:

Yes, it's hot. And then ultimately, I find myself just standing there. Cold. No shower water and you just soaking up all the water. What's up with that?

Nik:

First of all, second of all, third of all fourth of all, you jumping in my shower. And if I recall correctly when we were very first married, very, very, very first married. I believe that I even set the parameters and the standards that I didn't like taking a shower with people because I felt like that is a time

Rich:

Who you been taking showers with? people? We ain't talking about no people shower, we talking about a shower with me. Wait a minute. What you tombout? I didn't like take a shower with people. You're at the gym. What are you talking about? What you mean?

Nik:

Anyway. Like I was saying. I didn't like sharing the shower. And it was years actually before we actually started taking showers together because I didn't like I just didn't like I didn't like sharing that space. I do like my water much warmer than you like your water.

Rich:

I use the soap to get the filth and the stank off. You use hot water. I don't need no soap. Just give me this boiling water, pour it over me, I'll be clean.

Nik:

The water is not that hot. The water that you shower in is very cold. And let's be clear. Neither one of us are the same size that we were when we first got married.

Rich:

What's that got to do with anything?

Nik:

We take up more space, now.

Rich:

We or you?

Nik:

First of all, I'm actually smaller now than when we got married. So, let's let's get that yes. And I had two babies and everything else.

Rich:

Are you sure?

Nik:

I'm positive.

Rich:

I'm just trying to make sure I understand what you said.

Nik:

You heard me.

Rich:

I was a little confused.

Nik:

I said that I'm smaller now than I was when we got married.

Rich:

That that could be true.

Nik:

It is true. It is true. So, when we're talking about being in a space, it's not like we have one of these huge spa-like showers. And I do enjoy taking a shower with you. I enjoy watching you lather up and have the soap

Rich:

just be glistening all on my body.

Nik:

Yeah, I do.

Rich:

Well, good.

Nik:

I like that.

Rich:

Because for a second here I thought you attract me It won't take no more showers with me. You was like you bigger. And I don't never like taking showers with people. I was a little confused. I thought this was a moment that we enjoy it. I know. I enjoy looking at you. I mean taking a shower with you.

Nik:

Looking at me or taking a shower.

Rich:

Both.

Nik:

Okay.

Rich:

I really enjoy just watching the soap glistening on your body.

Nik:

Good. That's, that's awesome. I think it is a great moment for us to continue to connect.

Rich:

Can you wash my back?

Nik:

I can.

Rich:

That's what I'm talking about.

Nik:

Yeah, of course I'll wash your back.

Rich:

Yeah.

Nik:

But what I don't want is for you to invade my space.

Rich:

How can I take a shower with you and not invade our space? I mean your space.

Nik:

Okay, so last night, when I was in the shower, and you came up, and you were done with your shower, and you just stood there at the end of the tub while I'm completing my bathing time, and you're looking at me, he talks about oh it's so cold. I can't I'm just so cold. But you were done with your shower and I was still bathing and I'm like, well, what do you want me to do?

Rich:

I wasn't done watching you. So, you could have easily let me have the warm water while you lathered it up with some soap. But instead you want me to stand in the cold to get my peek on I'm trying to peek at you girl.

You're listening to the Naked Proverbs podcast with Rich and Nik Scott. If you like what you're hearing, show your support by becoming a patron. All of our patrons receive exclusive benefits, like behind the scenes content, access to bonus audio, and Naked Proverbs merchandise to learn more And to become a patron visit the Naked Proverbs Patreon page www.patreon.com/nakedproverbs

Rich:

The great debate in the Black household. Should you make it? Should you not? Is it a sense of entitlement? Why can't, this grown man get up and make his own plate? So, many questions that must be answered.

Nik:

My man doesn't have to make his plate.

Rich:

I sure don't.

Nik:

And it's been that way for a long time. I don't remember if I used to make your plate when we were first married.

Rich:

You have always made my plate.

Nik:

Really?

Rich:

And I don't know exactly when I realized it. But a lot of my life as an adult, I look at my childhood and I base well, what things are similar, what things are different? What things are like whoa, I never saw that happen. What things are pretty, you know, like I said, you know, just the norm.

Nik:

Mm hmm.

Rich:

And for me growing up, my grandmother. I don't remember, my grandmother ever actually made my grandfather's plate. I think he made her plate. Kinda like he does now.

Nik:

Isn't that an interesting twist in this conversation?

Rich:

My grandfather is an amazing man.

Nik:

He is.

Rich:

If I could just be half of him, I'd be pretty cool. My mom, on the other hand has always made my dad's plate.

Nik:

I don't know if I've ever noticed that.

Rich:

Yes.

Nik:

Wow. So, I have some, some qualities like your mama.

Rich:

You got a lot of qualities like my mama.

Nik:

Wow.

Rich:

So, not so much now that they're older. You know, I mean, and he tries to do more for her. I think just because I mean, she deserves it. But growing up, my mom always made my dad's plate. Then she would make our plates and then she would make her plate.

Nik:

Mm hmm.

Rich:

And even if we were having a sit down around the table dinners. She started with always making my dad's plate.

Nik:

Yeah, I have to say in my family. My mother was the kind of woman that catered and served to her man no matter what. So, she was definitely a plate maker.

Rich:

She made my plate before. Yeah, my mom she's definitely...she was definitely a plate maker. And that might be where I picked it up from. I don't ever explicitly remember and seeing like my grandmother and other women in my family because on my maternal side, we are basically all women up until this new generation we have quite a few boys a quite a few of my cousins, not me, but my cousins have had sons, but I don't recall seeing them making plates, my aunts and things like that, but it's not an uncommon thing in my family. For plate to be made, so, yeah, I make your plate. You do. And I am very appreciative of it. And because I grew up in an environment where that's the norm, because I would say even my uncles, and have our uncles, and most of them were single when I was younger. And I remember their different women that they were dating, and then some that they married, if they weren't women that made plates. When they came around our family, it became something they did, because they felt out of place. Because literally every man would be sitting watching football or TV or doing whatever they're doing. Some of them are on the grill, cooking or whatever. But ultimately, the wives would normally make the plates. And I remember one of my aunts, she didn't when she first came around, like she was like, I don't do that. And it wasn't anybody put any pressure on her or said you know, hey, you should be doing this, it was just one of those things where, when in Rome, you know, I think she looked around and noticed that she was the only one that was sitting down eating. And, you know, the rest of the women were making their husband's boyfriend's, whatever plates. And then she kind of just jumped on board and I don't really know what her reasoning behind it was. But yeah.

Nik:

This debate is interesting to me because I do believe that it is something that is common only in the Black community. Like, why do Black women have such a big problem making their man's plate. Like Black Twitter will go off on this topic and because it is the holiday season, it's something I think that we should be talking about. But for me, it's like, I make my husband's plate because I believe that it's a way another way for me to show him how much I appreciate what he does for me. I told you recently, like, I don't mind treating you like a king. So, I don't mind making your plate and I don't care who's around. I don't care who's looking sideways side eyes or whatever. You are my man and it is my job to take care of you. Even if it's something as simple as making your plate.

Rich:

It's not Black women don't. I think that it's more of a generational thing. If you look at certain generations of women, that's just what they do. We watched that clip of Blackish

Nik:

Mm hmm.

Rich:

and the mother, I don't know grandmother,

Nik:

Marla Gibbs.

Rich:

Marla Gibbs made the comment about her generation. And when she was saying it in Blackish, I could see my mother, I could see my grandmother saying the exact same thing. And to kind of sum up what she said was, I make my husband's plate because he goes out to a world that hates him, treats him like he's less than a man. And it's the least I can do when he comes home to try to make him know I love you; somebody loves you; you do have worth, you do matter. And I don't know that I've ever had anybody explain it that way. But I could totally see the women in my family doing it because of that. Because they know what their husbands are going through every single day. And that doesn't mean that our Black women aren't going through the same types of struggles in the workforce or out in America. And you know, I never want to make it seem like well, this is being done because men struggle with so many things and women, their lives are so easy. But I think that there's some history behind that. That makes sense.

Nik:

I don't think in a relationship and especially in a marriage, there should be this tit for tat, right? Well, I struggle too. I face stuff too. Okay. We know that we all struggle as a Black community in this world, in this country, the United States of America that doesn't want us here. Like we all face things every single day, we all have these battles that we face. So, for me, it's not about well, I'm not going to make his plate because he never makes my plate. So, what? There's things that he does for you, that you never do for him. I don't know, I just think in the relationship, there should be some type of balance and reciprocity, right? And it doesn't have to be equal for equal.

Rich:

And I would agree. I mean, because even when I was kind of reading and thinking about this topic, doing some research, and I mean, you have very different views. You have people that are like, oh my god, I can't believe that this is still going on. And then there are people that are like, oh my god, I can't believe you don't do it. And reality is, like you said, there are things that husbands, or I do for my wife, or husbands do for their wives. that wives never think about. And it never comes to the forefront .99% of the time if we as a family are going somewhere, I drive. But that's not this huge like, oh my god, I can't believe he drives you everywhere. You're capable of driving. You're not Miss Daisy. Right? But I don't have a problem with it, you know, and I feel like it's a great opportunity for me to serve you to do something to show you that I care. And so, to me making a plate I feel like it's kind of in that same category of, am I capable? Of course, I'm capable. And do I sometimes? Yes, I do. But it's nice when my wife, if we're out at a gathering, or we're somewhere and she looks at me and says you have to make your plate babe. And sometimes I'm like, yes, sometimes I'm like, no, I appreciate it. And I like it. And especially when I'm sitting there and all my boys, their wives don't even care. You married the wrong woman. I'm just playing that. No, I'm not.

Nik:

And I never, even though people look at me crazy when I make your plate, men and women, they will look at me like did she just make his plate? And then I'll be looking like yes, she did. But I never look at people who don't make their man's plate, I don't look at them any kind of way. Because this is to me, it's a service that I'm providing for you. Like it is my job to be your partner in this. And that's one thing that I do to help you. Now there is one time we were at a gathering and I don't know if you remember this, it was at some friends, some Jack and Jill friends we had back in the day. And we were at their house. I don't remember if it was a fight party or what it was. But all of the men were downstairs, and all the women were upstairs, and it was time to eat and you had told all of these men. Watch. She bout to bring my plate down here. And I didn't know this until I got downstairs with your plate and all the men were like ah, Dog... I was like, what the heck is going on? And then later on, you tell me yeah, I told them that she was about to make my plate and I was sittin there like...

Rich:

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You know, you always tell me it's not what you say is how you say it.

Nik:

Uh huh.

Rich:

The way you're making this sound,

Nik:

Uh huh.

Rich:

is horrible. And that is not really what happened.

Nik:

Okay, well, I wasn't there. But this is,

Rich:

Right.

Nik:

Okay. So, clear it up.

Rich:

Even the inflections and the spaces you made it sound like I was like; she'll make my plate watch this Dog.

Nik:

You probably did.

Rich:

No. That is not me. And that's not how it went down. What happened...Because at first, I was like, what is she talking about? But now I remember

Nik:

I know, you remember.

Rich:

And what happened was, everybody was like, well, are you going to go make plates and I was like, my wife will probably bring me my plate. And that's legit what I said, because at this point, it has been something that you've done for so long. And if we're in different rooms, you don't ask me that. You know, do you want to make your plate and I mean you still don't even we're in the same room sometimes. But every now and then you do. But it was more of, I knew my wife. I know that she was gonna make me a plate. And so, I didn't get up off the couch. I was still watching the game or the fight or whatever it was. And they were all like, whatever. So, then of course, none of them got up to make plates because they wanted to see if I was wrong. They wanted to see is his wife really gonna make him a plate? Do they really? Does he really know his wife like that? My wife don't make it. So, ultimately, when you came down, it wasn't about what I said. It was about like, damn, y'all's marriage is tight.

Nik:

Okay.

Rich:

It was more of honestly because you left and then we talked about this more

Nik:

Yep, cause I went back upstairs.

Rich:

They were jealous. And they were like, man, my wife don't ever make my plate. Man, like what did you do? And I'm like, what do you mean? What did I do? Like I didn't do anything I love my wife. And I treat her like a queen all the time. And she feels that she wants to treat me like a king. Sorry. Like, I didn't do anything special. To know my wife better or to be in this situation, I just knew what was going to happen. So, I want to kind of clarify because you made it sound like I was sitting down there just bragging like, I ain't gotta get up my wife. I got a slave upstairs.

Nik:

No. That is not what I said.

Rich:

That's how you made it sound.

Nik:

That is now how I made it sound.

Rich:

It's what you said, or how you said it, not what you said.

Nik:

Okay. Well, thank you for clarifying that. I have a question.

Rich:

Of course, what?

Nik:

Do you feel that other Black men want their wives to make them their plates?

Rich:

I think that there are times that the answer is yes.

Nik:

Mm hmm.

Rich:

And I think there are times that the answer is no. And I think there are also times that it just really doesn't matter.

Nik:

Okay.

Rich:

And I think in that situation, where these men chose to look at our marriage through what you did, then it was a great opportunity for me to be able to sit back and say yep, my marriage is tight. Not because my wife made me a plate, but because we know each other that well. Or because you know what she does want to provide in a different way for me. So, in that moment, yeah, I was sitting down there eating my food, my chest out. Like yep, my fine wife walked down here with some food for me and gave it to me. There are other times though, that the answer would totally be no, like when we have little kids and we're trying to make four plates because now our kids are independent, then no, I didn't want you making my plate. And sometimes you did. Sometimes you didn't, you know, but it's like, I don't want to be just another burden or another kid or you know, it's like that's not because like I said in the beginning, I'm more than capable of getting up and making my plate.

Nik:

I don't mind making your plate and let's be clear, I do make your plate first. Now, when the girls were little, I would make them plates first, then I would make your plate and then I would make my plate. And sometimes if it's a long line and I'm real hungry, I'll make both of our plates at the same time. It didn't matter which order I made the plates. I always make sure that I serve you your food. Even when we're at home and nobody's around. I make your plate. Our girls have grown up watching me make their dad's plate. And I'm sure that that's going to have some type of impact on whether or not they choose to make their husband's plate.

Rich:

That's the other thing. Like I said earlier, I think that it's partially generational. But how you are raised will definitely have an impact on what your expectations are. When it comes to does my wife make my plate or not? Should my wife make my plate or not? Because I watched that happen. It wasn't actually something I expected when we were dating or even when I asked you would you marry me that's not like on my list of things, the qualities that I needed was a woman that can make my plate. Because my mother and grandmother made sure that all the young men in our family are capable of making a plate, cleaning house, cooking a meal. Like they're like, you need to know how to do it all yourself. So, that wasn't something that I think I factored in. But it's almost like how last week you gave a bonus tip. It's like I got a bonus. Like, ooh, she also does that. Wow, I didn't even know. Okay, that's cool. Because you know what I actually do remember the first time you made my plate.

Nik:

Oh, okay. Can you talk about that?

Rich:

I can. It was in Atlanta. The Thanksgiving that I came to visit you instead of visiting my parents, and that was actually the that meal was the day I knew for a fact that I was going to ask you to be my wife. Because up until that point, you had never really cooked for me.

Nik:

That was Indiana.

Rich:

Was that Indiana?

Nik:

Yeah. The first time I cook Thanksgiving was in Indiana.

Rich:

It was just you and I know I'm almost positive. It was in Atlanta because your roommate from New York.

Nik:

My roommate from New York?

Rich:

Yep. And,

Nik:

She was there?

Rich:

She left. Because I came to visit like, I remember the apartment, everything.

Nik:

So, we were living in College Park?

Rich:

Yep.

Nik:

That apartment.?

Rich:

Yes,

Nik:

I cooked?

Rich:

Yes.

Nik:

Oh,

Rich:

You cooked Thanksgiving dinner. And you made my plate. And that was the moment that I knew. So, I do actually remember the first time you made my plate.

Nik:

So, I guess then the conversation really is why it is such a big issue in our community around women making their man's plate. I think, and these are just my thoughts and my opinions. I think that for some women, they might feel as if it's in a subservient position to like, I'm not your maid, I'm not your mom. He can make his own plate. I don't need to do it. But I would challenge if that's how you feel, I would challenge you to think about it in a different way. You can think about it like the clip on Blackish. And oh, by the way, I'll post that on our Patreon page for those of you that haven't seen the clip, it's only like 58 seconds or something like that. To think about it in the way that they describe in the clip as a gesture of love, or as another way to show respect for your husband and a gift. It's truly a gift.

Rich:

And husbands. It's not something you should abuse. It's something you should appreciate. It's something that you should cherish. It's not something you should expect. It's something that you should be very thankful for. Because you are capable, we are capable of making our own plate. Remember, it's bigger than just making a plate.

Nik:

I don't really have any more thoughts about it.

Rich:

I don't have any more thoughts. Can you go make me some lunch?

Nik:

Thank you so much for tuning in to this week's episode of the Naked Proverbs podcast. We want you to truly have a happy marriage. We want you to continue to thrive in your marriages and indulge in your spouses on a regular basis. Don't forget to follow the Naked Proverbs on whatever podcasting platform you listen to your podcasts on. And we will talk to y'all next week.

Rich:

Peace.

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