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How to SUPPORT YOUR SPOUSE when they are tired


In episode 043 of the Naked Proverbs podcast, Rich and Nik Scott give their Top 10 Tips to support your spouse.



Nik:

Welcome back to the Naked Proverbs podcast where we unclothe the truth about Black love family and marriage. My name is Nik Scott, one of your hosts, and I'm here with my husband.

Rich:

What's going on? It's your boy Rich. And today, we are going to talk about 10 ways that you can support your spouse.

Nik:

Right at the start of every episode, we always remind our listeners that we are not trained, licensed or professional therapists or counselors. We've been married for a long time. And while some of what you hear on Naked Proverbs might make you feel like you are in a therapy session, we want you to remember that this is our platform to share our advice, our experience, our stories and our opinions.

Nik:

If you haven't already, make sure that you're following the Naked Proverbs on whatever podcasting platform you listen on. And if you like what you hear, make sure you show us your love and support by leaving us a five-star review on iTunes.

Nik:

Listen, y'all, I'm gonna put this out as a call to action. We want 100 reviews on iTunes

Rich:

By tomorrow.

Nik:

Not by tomorrow. But we can give them what?

Rich:

Three days? 72 hours. Make it happen.

Nik:

72 hours. What if we give them 90 days? We have 26 or something like that right now?

Rich:

And that's...okay, fine. I mean, I just feel like you know, if you about it, you might as well get it done.

Nik:

So, if you're about that life, 72 hours, 100 reviews. So, that means how many? What's 26 minus, or 100 minus 26.

Rich:

That's basically 74.

Nik:

So, we need 74 of y'all to go and leave us a five-star review on iTunes starting now.

Rich:

As always, let's take a moment and say thank you to all of our listeners. We appreciate you tuning in. We Look forward to these moments where you are listening. And we are sharing.

Rich:

Speaking of these moments.... let me try it again. Let me try it again.

Nik:

Wait. So, I was like listening, but not really listening and that last part. You said what?

Rich:

I don't know. I was just making up stuff.

Nik:

Oh, wow.

Rich:

So, that's okay.

Rich:

So, for real though. That's how our podcasts go, right? Because see a lot of this stuff gets edited out.

Nik:

Mm hmm.

Rich:

And it probably shouldn't getting edited out. Or it, I guess some of it you share with our patrons. So, some of our patrons get the opportunity to see behind the scenes. But, you know, recording every week is not easy. It takes dedication. It takes preparation. And it seems so simple, but Sunday's come quickly.

Nik:

Well, I don't want anybody to ever think that our marriage is perfect.

Rich:

Mine is. My part of it.

Nik:

No, it's not.

Rich:

I always say it is.

Nik:

Ge always trying to talk about how he's perfect, he's not. I'm gonna be real, especially when we first started the podcast, it was tense.

Rich:

What was tense about it?

Nik:

You.

Rich:

What though?

Nik:

You were tense because every topic we would come up with

Rich:

Because I'm a perfectionist.

Nik:

You didn't want to do it. You found something wrong with it. I don't know nothing about that.

Rich:

Can't talk about what I don't know about. That's like these people that want to talk about Black Lives Matters but they don't know about nothing.

Nik:

It's Black Lives Matter.

Rich:

That's what I said.

Nik:

There's no S at the end.

Rich:

Black Lives Matter-ters. These are our matters as Black lives.

Nik:

My point is, is that we're not perfect. Our podcasts aren't perfect. While everything that we say on our podcast is true,

Rich:

Is perfect.

Nik:

Is true to what we feel and how we feel about each other and about a certain topic at that time, because let's be clear, our opinions can change. Our opinions can change about each other, our opinions can change about topics. So, yeah, it's not easy to do this every week.

Rich:

I mean, honestly, to me, the hardest part is content. Because I do not like speaking about things, I don't really have experience in or I don't know, or I don't really have anything to relate to. Because I feel like that's part of what our podcast is, is our own experiences, and the things that we've faced are the things that we've, you know, been through. So, for me, I don't like just doing any random topic, because then I'm like, well, now I'm just Googling a bunch of stuff and anybody can Google a bunch of stuff.

Nik:

Well see, and I come from a different approach. And I think this is probably where we had that, where I felt like it was tense at the beginning when we started the podcast last year, is that I don't have to have had personal experience in something to have an opinion about it. And my opinions run deep. And I can have an opinion about anything. Now, can I have an opinion about something for a 25-30 minute podcast? Not everything.

Rich:

I have a question for you.

Nik:

Okay.

Rich:

What is your opinion on single mothers raising sons?

Nik:

Do you want me to do that now? Or do you want to dedicate a podcast to that?

Rich:

I'm just asking a question.

Nik:

I think that's a good, I mean, I think it's a good I, I see what you're doing. I see what you, I see what you did.

Rich:

No, you don't.

Nik:

No. I see what you did.

Rich:

Because what had happened was

Nik:

Because I'm not a single mother. And nor do I have any sons. But yet, I do have an opinion about it. So, I see what you did there.

Rich:

See, I didn't think that, that far through. Here's what I, here's the reason I asked the question.

Rich:

Yesterday, I was with one of my brothers, and we were actually having this conversation. And we're just having a conversation around, you know, it's not can single mothers raise a young man to be, you know, a productive person in society but are there gaps? Possibly. And so, we were just having this conversation because he does have a son. He's not a single mother. But we have worked with in, our Guide Right and Kappa League programs with some sons that have been raised by single mothers. So, we're just having a conversation around it. And so, when you said that, it made me think of that conversation like, Oh, what is your opinion about this?

Nik:

Well, I have an opinion about it. I'm not going to share it right now.

Rich:

So, can we just dedicate a, can you put that on the list?

Nik:

Yes, I'll make sure we put that on the list. So, then we won't be struggling for content.

Rich:

Right.

Nik:

Speaking of content, if any of you have any ideas about what you want to hear on our podcast, please send us an email. Hit us up on social media.

Rich:

And if you know me, you can text me, you can hit us up in the DM. I don't even know what that is, but I hear people say it all the time.

Nik:

You know what a DM is.

Rich:

Is that direct message?

Nik:

Yes,

Rich:

Distance message?

Nik:

It doesn't matter what it stands for, you know what it is.

Rich:

I was just wondering what it stood for.

Nik:

It's direct message.

Rich:

Oh. Okay.

Rich:

Well, ultimately what we're saying is if there's some content you would like to hear, please let us know.

You're listening to the Naked Proverbs podcast with Rich and Nik Scott. If you like what you're hearing, show your support by becoming a patron. All of our patrons receive exclusive benefits, like behind the scenes content, access to bonus audio, and Naked Proverbs merchandise. To learn more, and to become a patron, visit the Naked Proverbs Patreon page www.patreon.com/nakedproverbs

Rich:

You know with everything going on in the world, in our lives, even before 2020 came right? Because I mean 2020 has been a hell of a year. And it ain't been a whole year.

Nik:

It feels like it's been 10.

Rich:

Yes. Doesn't it? There are days that I wake up and be like, dang, we still in 2020? I thought we was in 2025 by now.

Nik:

Oh my gosh.

Rich:

But with all these things going on, our spouses can really get overwhelmed, they can get burdened. And it's important that we recognize this, and we find ways that we can support one another.

Nik:

So, today, we're going to give you all our top 10 tips to support your spouse, whether it's during a pandemic, whether it's during all the other craziness that's been going on in 2020, or any other time in your marriage, these tips can and will work for you.

Rich:

So, I'll start because you know, let's be honest, I always have great tips. The first tip I would...that face you just gave me

Nik:

Because.

Rich:

That wasn't needed.

Nik:

No. That, that was definitely unnecessary commentary.

Rich:

Well I was just, you know, stating facts. I didn't say you don't have great tips. I was just saying I do have great tips.

Nik:

And I didn't take it as you were telling me that I didn't have great tips because I know my tips are great.

Rich:

Okay.

Nik:

I know I give great advice.

Rich:

Can I just put the tip in?

Nik:

What's the point of just putting the tip in?

Rich:

I'm trying to get my tip and I'm saying,

Nik:

Oh, see? You are nasty.

Rich:

My tip, is you should check in on your spouse on a regular basis. And when you're checking in, it's really important to listen to what your spouse's needs are.

Nik:

That's it?

Rich:

Well, I mean, because life can get busy. And if you aren't checking in on a regular basis, then you might miss that opportunity to really be there for your spouse. So, I think it's just important that you know, you find some time, whether it be in the morning when you're getting ready for work, or before bed. I know that you and I usually it's like Sunday morning, we're laying in bed and we kind of check in with each other. See, how everybody's doing, and we usually have some really great conversations. So, it's just something I think you need to do on a regular basis, though.

Nik:

Okay, so daily, weekly?

Rich:

I mean, I think it'll be different for every spouse, spousal unit. But you know, I mean, because you may have somebody that travels, Monday through Friday, so they only have the weekend together. Or, someone that you know, just isn't that talkative or communicative in their relationship. So, I don't really want to put a number of times you need to do it because I don't think there's really a one size fits all, but I think it does need to happen. Like it shouldn't be something that happens once a year.

Nik:

The first thing that I think of when we talk about supporting your spouse is you should be your spouse's biggest fan. And what does that mean? Well, I'm gonna explain it to you.

Rich:

Explain it, girl.

Nik:

So, I was a cheerleader in high school. And my entire job as a cheerleader was to encourage and to support and to cheer on whatever athletic team it was. Whether it was basketball, football, soccer, swimming, golf. My cheer coach used to have us at everything, y'all. So, you should be doing the same thing as a wife or husband, for your spouse.

Rich:

I love that. Because I have to be honest, I don't know that that's something I've seen a lot of spouses do. But in situations where I've seen it happen, it's something that I know has a huge impact on the relationship. And I know that for me, I love when I have, you know, a deal happen or something's going on in my business world, and you're like, ooh, congratulations, we got to pop bottles, or we're gonna go out to dinner or whatever it is. I truly appreciate that. So, I think that's a good one. Definitely.

Rich:

Well, you know what, I would be just totally wrong. If I didn't say, have some sex. Right? I mean, let's be real sex is a stress reliever. And it can be used to really connect with your spouse. So, I mean, I think is one of my tips whenever we give a tip. I always say we should have sex. But it's because sex is really an important part of a marriage. So, you know, sometimes it can get overlooked when you're really stressed out, and the world seems like is weighing down on your shoulders. But it can be something that can really uplift the spirits and put a smile on your face. So, get a real quickie in before you go to work. That's a good one. Yeah.

Nik:

So, tip number four that I have for y'all is to show interest in what your spouse is doing. It's really easy for us to get very insular and focused on just the things that we like and the things that we're doing. But it is important in a partnership, in a marriage to show some interest in what your spouse is doing. And we have example after example after example of this. You knew nothing about Black hair and natural hair until I became a natural hair YouTuber. I knew zero about the real estate industry until you became a real estate agent. And in those things, we support each other in those.

Rich:

Did you say insulars?

Nik:

Insular? Is that the right word?

Rich:

I don't even know what that is?

Nik:

I did say insular, but is that the right word?

Rich:

Well, let's look it up. And let's give everybody the definition because I know that there are many people just like me, that are wondering what did she just say?

Nik:

Ignorant of or uninterested in cultures, ideas or people's outside of one's own experience?

Rich:

Okay, I thought it had something to do with insulation.

Nik:

Relating to or from an island, so I think I used it correctly.

Rich:

It wasn't about being correct. I just didn't know what the word meant.

Rich:

Okay, well, now we are on tip number five. Now this one, I believe is very important. It may be the most important tip I'm going to give. You need to be your spouse's safety net. They need to know that they can be vulnerable around you. Whether that be they shed a tear, or they really pour their heart out. Or, they just talk to you about something that's gone on that maybe they haven't shared with anyone else. But if your spouse does not feel that they can talk to you, and share things with you, because they know you're going to bring it up later in an argument or you're going to laugh at it, or you're going to share it in the presence of other people that maybe they didn't want to know. Then that's going to prevent them from ever really leaning on you, which prevents you from really being able to be there for your spouse.

Nik:

I like that.

Nik:

Number six, if they ask you to do something then actually do it. Again, it's very easy for us to get so involved in our own worlds. We're all busy, right? I'm busy. He's busy. And when our spouse asks us to do something, sometimes we might put it on the back burner, because it's like, oh, I'll get to that later. I'll get to that later. And then it never ever gets done. And then your spouse is sitting here like well I asked you to do something and you didn't do it. So, definitely take time when your spouse asks you to do something, to actually get it done, check it off right away. So, then you don't put it on the backburner.

Rich:

That's something that you've been a huge help with, for me, because my life can get so just busy and chaotic. And sometimes it's little things that you can do that can support your spouse.

Rich:

So, for me, if you didn't know I wear a bow tie every day, right? So, I wear button down shirts, dress shirts. And so, I drop them off the cleaners, I used to, and then my wife started taking them and picking them up for me. And that seems like such a simple thing, right? I mean, it takes what 10 minutes or less to do it even including driving almost? But it has allowed me freedom to not have to worry about am I going to have a shirt when I go reach into the closet to get ready for work or whatever. And so, to me, that's a huge support piece for me that I'm very appreciative of. So, it doesn't always have to be something huge. But like Nik is saying, if she were to say, hey, I'm gonna get your shirts from the cleaners, and if she doesn't do it, and then I go to grab a shirt, now it becomes a stressor for me, instead of a support for me.

Nik:

I have a bonus.

Rich:

Bonus.

Nik:

I always have a bonus

Rich:

Bonus.

Nik:

So, my bonus is

Rich:

Bonus.

Nik:

Even if your spouse didn't ask you to do something, but you know that there's a space where you can fill in the gap, do it.

Rich:

Definitely.

Nik:

Do it. And I can come up with hundreds of ideas. But I'm going to allow you to let that percolate and come up with some creativity on your own. Because we all know those things that your spouse might dread doing and it needs to be done. And you're like, well, I don't do that she does that. Or, I don't do that he does that. Well, your bonus tip is to go ahead and fill in that gap.

Rich:

I love that. I love that.

Rich:

All right, so here we are on tip number seven. And this is one I'm gonna be honest, I can sometimes struggle with. Don't make it about you. So, what I mean by that is in my previous tip, I talked about being that safety net and being there for your spouse, and they're opening up and they're sharing. Sometimes I can be guilty of trying to solve the problem or instead of just listening, I stopped making it about me. I need to solve this I have to figure out what's going on. And sometimes that's not what your spouse needs. That's not support that's you trying to meet your own needs, instead of you actually meeting your spouse's needs. So, I think it's very important that when you are being there for your spouse, when you're trying to support your spouse, don't make it about you. And even like in the last tip, before the bonus, that I mentioned about, you know, you picking up my shirts. Well, it can't be well, she picked up my shirts now what am I gonna do for her? That's not what it's about.

Nik:

Number eight. We talk a lot on our podcast about our various businesses and things that we do together. If your spouse is a small business owner, an entrepreneur or even if they have a side hustle, do what you would do for your favorite brand. Share their posts on social media, engage with their posts, tell people, word of mouth still remains the best form of marketing for any business, tell people about your spouse's business, leave them a review. Now, that's something I don't think a lot of people think about. But leave your spouse a review on Google on Facebook, on whatever platform really matters to their business.

Rich:

Tip number nine. You should love your spouse, selflessly and support them. unconditionally. Those are two words I think that people use all the time when we're talking about marriage, right? You need to be selfless. And you need to love unconditionally. But really think about what that means. You know, for me, it took me years to really understand what unconditional love was. And now that I have a better understanding of it, that is always my goal. That it doesn't matter what's going on, to love my spouse unconditionally. Because that, in and of itself, those two things can be the most support you can ever give your spouse.

Nik:

And last but not least, is we've been talking a lot about being there for your spouse, listening to your spouse, talking to your spouse, allowing your spouse to be vulnerable and transparent with you, being your spouse's biggest fan. Well, this last tip might seem a little opposite of everything that we've said here, but I do think it's very important and that is to give your spouse space when they need it. And I know it sounds weird when we're talking about supporting your spouse. You're supposed to leave them alone? Yes, everybody needs that time to self-reflect, to process

Rich:

Everybody needs a little time away.

Nik:

Well, you clearly just interrupted what I was saying. And that is not a way to support your spouse, y'all.

Rich:

You should just go get some time away.

Nik:

I might need to process what you just did.

Rich:

Because it was great.

Nik:

You gonna stop interrupting me. And cutting me off.

Rich:

It's the first time I interrupted you today.

Nik:

No, it's not.

Rich:

At least first time the last 10 minutes.

Nik:

Yes.

Rich:

Okay, let's start over.

Nik:

I don't even know. No, I'm not starting over.

Rich:

Give them their space when they need it.

Nik:

I already said that. And I'm, I ain't got nothing else to say.

Rich:

Oh. You ain't having fun today. You need some space.

Nik:

Who's having fun?

Rich:

Me.

Nik:

I don't know if y'all remember a few episodes ago. I forget what the title of that, it might have been another list episode as a matter of fact? My husband, sometimes, he be on one. And he's on one today. I mean, he's had a pretty good day. He's actually had a pretty good week,

Rich:

Even lovers need a holiday, far away from each other.

Rich:

So, it's very important to remember that as a married couple, that there are going to be times that one of you may be down and you want to make sure that you are doing all you can to support your spouse. And that's what we're here for. To make your marriage stronger.

Nik:

Oh, boy.

Rich:

What the hell? You just gonna, oh, boy.

Nik:

No, I said, oh, boy.

Rich:

Well, wrap it up then.

Nik:

Thank you.

Nik:

Thanks, so much for tuning into this week's episode of the Naked Proverbs podcast. We want you to truly have a happy marriage. We want you to thrive in your marriages and indulge in your spouses on a regular basis. Don't forget to follow the Naked Proverbs on whatever podcasting platform you listen on and we will talk to y'all in the next one.

Rich:

Peace.

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