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Mother's Day: BLACK MOMMAS WE SALUTE YOU


In Episode 039 of the Naked Proverbs podcast, Rich and Nik Scott discuss the difference between being a mother and being a Black mother.


Nik:

Welcome back to the Naked Proverbs podcast where we unclothe the truth about Black love family and marriage. My name is Nik Scott, one of your hosts and I'm here with my husband,

Rich:

What's going on? It's your boy Rich. And today, on this special day, we're going to talk about why mamas matter.

Nik:

Right at the start of every episode, we always remind you that we are not trained, licensed or professional therapists or counselors. We have been married a long time. And while some of the things that you hear on our podcast might make you feel like you're in a therapy session, we want you to remember that Naked Proverbs is our platform to share our advice, our opinions, our experience, and our stories.

Nik:

If you haven't already, make sure you're following Naked Proverbs on whatever podcasting platform, you listen to your podcasts on. And if you like what you hear, now this is important y'all. If you like what you hear

Rich:

If you like it.

Nik:

If you like it.

Rich:

Even if you don't

Nik:

No. We, only if you like it

Rich:

Naw, I don't care.

Nik:

If you like what you hear make sure that you stop by Apple podcasts and show us your love and support by giving us a five-star review.

Rich:

So, let's start off by saying Happy Mother's Day to all of you beautiful mothers out there that listen to Naked Proverbs.

Nik:

Happy Mother's Day to y'all. Surrogate moms. Adopted moms, foster moms

Rich:

Step mamas

Nik:

All of you

Rich:

Real mamas

Nik:

yeah

Rich:

Half mamas

Nik:

all the mamas

Rich:

Fake mamas, make believe mamas, God mamas

Nik:

All y'all mamas

Rich:

All of y'all

Nik:

All the mamas.

Rich:

We'd also like to say thank you to all of our listeners. We appreciate y'all tuning in each week. We also appreciate you spending your evenings with us on our Talkback Live.

Nik:

If you don't know about our Talkback Live, I don't know where you've been for the past month. Because we go live every single Sunday at eight o'clock pm on our Facebook page, so that we can further digest and dig into the topic of the day. So, later on today, we're going to be talking about

Rich:

Mamas.

Nik:

Mamas.

Rich:

I'ma talk about your mama.

Nik:

So, make sure that you join us live on Facebook. You can get all the information about our Talkback Live and anything about Naked Proverbs on our website at www.nakedproverbs.com

Rich:

This week has been a hard week because of what's been in the news. But the truth is the whole Ahmaud Arbery situation has been going on since February. So, while video has surfaced this week, this previous week, while there was a run on Friday for his birthday, and there's all this conversation, his family has been dealing with this since February 23.

Nik:

And sadly, his mother has had to relive every moment of her son's death this week. The assailants were arrested on his birth-

Rich:

Finally.

Nik:

Well.

Rich:

It took two months.

Nik:

It took a long time. Actually, it was over 60 days.

Rich:

It only happened because the video surfaced them, them boys was about to just be free and living they best life.

Nik:

Well, isn't that almost business as usual?

Rich:

And I think that's the thing for me is you know, when I'm on social media, and I'm reading some of people's comments, many people have become numb to this. Because there are so many names that you could probably fill up an encyclopedia. And that's just the names that we know about. Because the first thing I think that I thought about was, if there was no video, we wouldn't even know this existed. Right? So, how many young Black men and women had been killed, and everybody just kept on going on like nothing happened because there was no video. There was no witness. There was no one to point out the injustice that happened.

Nik:

Social media has brought a lot of this to the forefront. You shared on your personal Facebook page a story about a run that you went on 20 years ago.

Rich:

Yeah. And you know, I think that for me, that was one of the reasons why this was so hard, was because this could have been me. Somebody out just doing something that they've done before, taking a jog and ended up being killed for it.

Rich:

Twenty years ago, when I was in college. I was in Indiana. And I went on a run, a jog. I had recently gotten out of the military. And you know, I was fit, and I was fly. So, I was just going for a jog. It was something I normally did. And I crossed the bridge in this city that we were in, and no one had told me, I'd only been at the school. I mean, this school started in August. So, I got out of the military my first time in August, a few weeks before school started. So, I showed up and I was living in my little apartment and I went on a jog. And nobody told me that Black people didn't cross the bridge into West Terre Haute. Nobody told me that that was something you did not do.

Rich:

So, unfortunately, because I didn't know all the rules, I was running and I was spotted crossing the bridge by somebody apparently, because I don't didn't even get a good three minutes across the bridge when two pickup trucks showed up. And they had their rebel flags, and they had people in the back of the trucks. And they began to yell profanities and let me know how they were going to kill me. And it. I mean, it was a very traumatic experience, because I had never experienced anything like this before. And at the time, I think I was like, 21, maybe 22 years old, and I ran as fast as I could to get back. I was trying to get back to my room, I didn't know that there was this magical line that existed on the bridge.

Rich:

And literally, when I got across the bridge, they stopped their trucks turned around and moved on about their lives. And as I started to share this story with some friends that I had met, they all began to say, oh my god, you didn't know you're not supposed to go across the river. And even when I shared my Facebook post on, was it Thursday, I think last week, one of my cousins that went to college with us like started apologizing because she felt so bad. Because she was like, I did not know that happened to you. I did not know you didn't know the rules. I failed you. I am so sorry. And this was 20 years ago, but she still felt horrible today.

Rich:

I realized that I was seconds away from being Ahmaud Arbery.

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Rich:

Like we said in the beginning, today is a special day. It's Mother's Day. And I will be honest, I'm not a real big Hallmark holiday guy. I think that a lot of these holidays are just built around me making money. But Mother's Day is one of those that matters to me. Because I have an amazing mom. I have an amazing wife that is an amazing mom. And I feel like it's important that we give them their flowers, right? And Mother's Day is that day that's been set aside. And that's not saying that I don't give my mom or my wife, their flowers at other points. But this is a day that's been set aside, how can I not celebrate the women in my life?

Nik:

That's just it. Yes, it's a Hallmark holiday to capitalize and to make money, but it's also a gentle or maybe blatant reminder, depending upon where you are, for people to pause and just take a moment to reflect and remember their mothers.

Rich:

Reality is everybody doesn't have their mother to celebrate today. That doesn't mean that they can't still celebrate the memory. Or, you know who their mother was in their lives. But it's different when you have your mom available to call, to wish a happy Mother's Day, or to call just in general to cry on their shoulder or to share that great moment, or whatever it is. So, I think it's very important that we still have our mothers, we must not just make this business as usual. Like because one day you're going to look up and your mom's not going to be there. And I think it's just important that we really take that extra. Because so many times moms just go through the motions of getting it done. And they don't get celebrated like they should.

Nik:

Before we get all deep into our conversation, because we have some good stuff that we want to talk about. And no, we're not going to take too much of your time because we definitely want to make sure that the mothers are being celebrated. But I think it's important for us to really define what a mother is, and as we always do, we Google.

Rich:

I like Google.

Nik:

Google knows everything. And it's always right,

Rich:

Google, send me a check for saying your name.

Nik:

So, a mother, according to Google is a woman in relationship to her child or her children. Now that is the noun, right? The part of speech, noun, mother. Easy. But then Google goes on to say that mother is a verb, so it's an action word. So, you can be a mother noun. But more importantly, you should be a mother action word, because that's where the impact happens. And it says, to bring up a child with care, and affection.

Rich:

That's what a mother is. And you know, I mean, before we get too far, like you said, there may be some people out there that are like, look, I don't have no relationship with my mother. I don't care about Mother's Day. But I just want to point out and say that any relationship can be changed. If you choose to change it. You know, you're going to get out of any relationship what you put into it. So, if you want to have a relationship with that, mom that may not be that nurturing person or that person that, that verb that was just described, then you can always work on that relationship. Don't just throw it away just because it's not what you always thought it should be or what it could have been.

Nik:

So, our focus on Naked Proverbs is about Black love, Black family and Black marriage.

Rich:

I love black people.

Nik:

I love black people. I love being black. So, my question is, then, how is being a mother noun or verb, different from being a Black mother?

Rich:

Oh, it's way different. I think for me, and you know, this is coming from a son, from a husband, but to be a Black mother, you must be a Black woman. So, let's start there. Black women, shoulder so much of the burden of being Black in America. I saw a picture going back to what we were talking about earlier about Ahmaud. And it was a picture of a young Black woman with a rifle in her arms. And she was like we're tired. And it went on to say, basically, like, we're gonna stand on these blocks and let our kids run. And if we got to kill somebody, we're gonna kill somebody, if we got to die, we're gonna die. And that picture said so much to me, because that is what I see when I see Black women. And when I see Black mothers. The people that stand in the gap.

Rich:

And Black moms are just super women. They do it all. They hold it together; they hold it down. They make, make it happen, even when there's nothing there to make it happen. You know, I remember my mom making meals when we didn't have no food. Like she would get in there and we'd be like, oh my god, this is the best, whatever it was. And now that I'm older, I'm like, man, my mom literally was in there just making up stuff with the scraps that we had growing up, because, or, you know, even just watching her just thinking back to how she would make my dad's plate, she'd make our plate and she be like oh, I'm not hungry. And it was really because she wanted to make sure we all ate. And to me, that's a Black mother, like, man, I could go on and on and on about how wonderful Black mothers are, because they are just amazing.

Nik:

The difference to me is that a Black woman literally gave birth to humanity.

Rich:

So true.

Nik:

All of humanity. If you are a human, a Black woman birthed you.

Rich:

We wouldn't exist without them.

Nik:

We would not exist, humanity wouldn't, humans would not exist without a Black mother. And that is pinnacle. And when you think about that, from a real critical standpoint, from a very critical standpoint, that's amazing. No other woman on the planet can say that they birthed humanity. Outside of a Black woman. There's gonna be people out there that are listening, that will try to argue that point.

Rich:

That's a scientific proven point. I mean, you can argue anything you want. People argue that, you know, we have a great president. You can argue anything you want. At the end of the day, facts speak louder than your opinion.

Nik:

That's the key difference between being just a mother and a Black mother. And because a Black woman birth all of humanity, that weight of birthing humanity is being carried on her shoulders, each and every day. Black mothers are the cornerstone, and the glue of not just the Black family, but of the Black community. We're the ones that accept whoever. We accept anybody. Anybody who's hungry, anybody who needs something, anybody who, who just wants to be in her presence. We're open to that.

Rich:

Black mothers hold it down for the community. They hold it down for the culture. They hold it down for the family, they hold it down for the churches. I mean, there is not an environment where you're not going to see Black mothers holding it down. Because they are, like you said, the cornerstone. I personally say they're the backbone of the home. Because you know, your arms and your legs and all those things are important. But without a backbone,

Nik:

You can't even stand up.

Rich:

You can't even stand up. They literally are the ones that allow all those other things that we see happening, happen. I read an article about a mom that raised two sons from a very negative background that are both now in the NBA. And sometimes people just look at that and they're like, oh, that's because they have raw talent. And I think that's so true that our young men, young women, have so much talent, but if there's more not a mother that is they're nurturing that talent and pushing them when they want to quit, then you wouldn't see half the greatness that you see out there.

Nik:

You wouldn't we birth brilliance. Whether that's athletic brilliance, or intellectual brilliance, we birth brilliance. And I want to just offer a point of clarity here, because right now we're talking about mothers, people who have given birth to a child or adopted a child or the stepmother. You don't have to have given birth to be a mother. And I really want to be very clear about that. You know, I'm very protective of my role as a mother and I'm very proud of my role as a mother and the things that I've been able to instill and impart in my, in my children, but you don't have to have given birth in order to assume or take on this role of a mother. In order to love, in order to be affectionate, in order to care, in order to take in and to nurture. We birth, brilliance. And you think about some of the most brilliant Black minds in our community. Oprah Winfrey, Barack Obama, Michael Jordan.

Rich:

Me. I'm a brilliant Black mind that was birthed into this world by a Black woman.

Nik:

This is true, but what I'm trying to do is paint the picture of

Rich:

General Colin Powell.

Nik:

Colin Powell.

Rich:

How about Michelle Obama?

Nik:

Michelle Obama

Rich:

That's my crush, y'all. I'm just gonna be real.

Nik:

Yeah you love you some Michelle.

Rich:

I love you Michelle. Barack, I don't mean no disrespect. The Jackson family

Nik:

The Jacksons

Rich:

The Wayans.

Nik:

The Wayans.

Rich:

The list is long.

Nik:

The list is, the list is so long that we could take the next five years and rattle off names and never get to the end of that list. Malcolm X.

Rich:

Oh, I got one. Mandela

Nik:

Mandela. Both of the Mandelas. Winnie and, and Winnie's husband.

Rich:

Nelson. Nelson Mandela. Like I said, the list is long. And I think that, especially the reason I say Mandela is because in America, we can sometimes forget that there are Black women outside of just America birthing greatness.

Nik:

The role, the position, the power, the influence

Rich:

Nefertiti

Nik:

the impact that Black mothers have on this world cannot be overlooked

Rich:

Or denied.

Nik:

Or denied.

Rich:

I think that, that's a big piece too, is oftentimes we try to act like well, they're not really Black. Well, they really, only half of them is Black. I mean, like we come up with all these reasons why, instead of just realizing that like, wow, this came out of us, we have to recognize the greatness within ourselves and not let anyone take that away from us.

Nik:

And that is on periodt poo.

Rich:

We're talking about Black mothers, the burdens that they carry. The paths that they blaze. It's important to realize that we have to protect our Black mothers, our Black women, because they are dealing with mental health concerns. Even something as simple as childbirth. They don't have the same rate of success, the same rate of survival as their peers, and it comes down to racism. Now people won't say it. People want to beat all around the bush, people want to say everything but the truth. But we have to make sure that we are doing all we can as a community, as men, as women to continue to protect our women. Because we just real quickly just mentioned all these aspects of how they hold us together, how they are the glue, how we couldn't exist without them. So, if we don't protect them, if we don't uplift them, if we don't celebrate them, if we don't provide them the resources they need, then we won't have them here to continue to do all those great things that they do.

Nik:

And that does not start when she becomes a mother. That starts the second that she is born. As a matter of fact, it starts the second that she is conceived. To start to protect, to start to make sure that she is positioned, you call it a burden, I do agree that there might be some burdens, but there's tons, immense amounts of privilege that comes with being a Black mother. And so that protection needs to start way before we, we understand that as a father, you are training someone's mother.

Rich:

Until I became a parent, I don't think I really thought of all of the dangers that exist for young Black children, right? So, when I think about myself and I wanted to get out and I wanted to run, I wanted to go and I wanted to do, and sometimes my mom would be like, whoa, and kind of hold me back. Now I realize as a parent that sometimes that was not holding me back. She was trying to protect me. She was trying to make sure that I was prepared for this world that will eat our children alive. I mean, we see it daily, right? We started off earlier talking about the world that is eaten another one of our sons. And it happens literally on a daily basis. When everybody was talking about Ahmaud. Literally the very same day there was another young man that was killed in Indianapolis. Like it just happens so often that people have become numb to it. So, our mothers are the ones that are bearing that burden, though. They're the ones that are having those kitchen conversations with our children. They're the ones that are trying to explain to them why their Black is beautiful, why they can have success, even if the world doesn't want to see them be successful.

Nik:

And before we go, I just want to take a moment to say Happy Mother's Day to the mothers in my life. My own mother Dove Mack, Happy Mother's Day to you. Kateree Davis, Happy Mother's Day to you. Jo Ann Scott, Happy Mother's Day to you, Renee Murphy, Happy Mother's Day to you. I would not be the woman that I am, I would not be the mother that I am, I wouldn't be the wife that I am if it weren't for the sacrifice the love and the affection of those women in my life.

Rich:

Now, you know, I'm a man and I can't be outdone. So, let me go ahead and, Happy Mother's Day, mama. Happy Mother's Day, baby. I love you.

Nik:

I love you too. Thank you.

Nik:

Thank you so much for tuning in to this week's episode of the Naked Proverbs podcast. We want you to truly have a happy marriage. We want you to continue to thrive in your marriage and indulge in your spouses on a regular basis. Don't forget to follow the Naked Proverbs on whatever podcasting platform you listen on. And we will talk to y'all in the next one. Happy Mother's Day.

Rich:

Peace.

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